Rascal King (roadrat) wrote in justanillusion,
Rascal King
roadrat
justanillusion

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I think it's time for another rant

Ok..where to start.Been busy since last time I posted here...Some things got better...but we all know I'm not here to talk about that...so on to the I want to kick a fucking puppy rant.

Ok so I just met this girl.She's so fucking amazing it makes my head hurt.Well I have NO clue what she wants right now.I know I should just ask but lovely insecurities.yay for fucking insecurities.She hasn't been in too many relationships in the past so this is a bit new for her.Not sure what the hell I'm doing.I really really like this girl.and am so afraid she's just going to run leaving me hurt.*shakes head*At the moment she's really busy wich leaves no real room for me to see her.I wonder if she even has a place in her life she can even *fit* me in.*sigh*I don't know...on other topics...

I'm sick off seeing my friends in bad relationships.I'm sick of seeing 2 friends in a relationship when there BOTH miserable in it.I'm sick of feeling like a lesser person in life.I hate feeling like a broken toy.I ahte being played with.I hate my fucking ex and her manipulative gilt triping drama endusing personality.I ahte feeling brushed off.I fucking hate my roomates.I'm sick of feeling guilt about thing that are not my fault.I hate wanting a cigarette.Makes me feel like a freaking heroin junky.I hate being uneployed.I hate this fucking happy shit thats playing right now*changes song*I hate feeling sad and lonely when I shouldn't be.I hate sleeping alone.I hate waking up alone.I'm sick of people.I hate the fact that I kep loosing shit.Like my phone book and my keys.And my fucking mind for that matter.I ahte that I feel like I'm scaring people away when I tell them how I feel.I'm sick off feeling so fucking much.I'm sick of caring mroe then others.I'm sick of feeling like I'm obsessive.I'm STILL sick of the government.I'm sick of not being anywhere in life.I'm sick of my fucking pice of shit computer.I hate my ISP.I ahte not having the $$ to change most of that.I hate feeling like a child.I hate the cold.I hate how chaotic my brain is.I hate the fact that I even need to come here.I'm fucking sick of not being able to deal at times.I hate having to lean on other people.I hate my past for making me need to lean on other people.I hate myself for making those desicions.I hate the fact that my fingures like to type letters backwards.I hate that I can't finish anything.Ever.I fucking hate the fact that I have spent the last year alone.I ahet the fact that I don't even know how to ask the questions that I need answers to.I hate the fact that I even need to ask some things.I really hate that I am not a god.I hate living in the geto..yet a-fucking-gain.I'm sick of nothing every changing.I'm sick of not being able to change.I'm sick of not being good enough for some people.I'm sick of the fact that it is so hard to get a job these days.I fucking hate feeling like I have two personalities.oh fuck it at this point I'm sick of this fucking post.*shakes head*

*poof*
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