& only in you do I understand me (wintersoul) wrote in justanillusion,
& only in you do I understand me

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Venting it..

New to this.... infact out of all the time I've had a journal, this is the first community I've joined. I have so much hidden in unseen journals......and y'know what?....I think it's about time.....they came out...because every thought, every tear every something and every nothing deserves to be seen...somewhere.

Just because you willingly lose something...doesn't make up for all that you lost along the way to realization....to all that was taken...it was all in those inconsequential moments...when in a room full of people...the loneliness still aches....when your smile is paper thin and tacked on with cellotape.....and your life's in a paper boat.

I'm rambling and I apologize for this..... I'll probably pollute your screens with far too much in random bursts .... some of which at first will be from other places....that just....got tired of hiding.......reminding me to breath.


Ever read something that twists your guts...that places some irremoveable fear in a clenching fist upon your heart?.... something that's like a slap in the face...a realisation....or maybe just a dissapointment....?

ever feel..something so strange that ....its like some ache thats dug so deep and so fast...like a bullet that you can't pull out...and a crash that you can't stop looking at?..

I feel sick.

.....there's a reason people usually only hold your hand with one of their own.....sometimes their other hand is too busy placing that proverbial knife in your heart.

Nothing is ever really free, maybe that's why we hold so much of it....so much of that nothing.

i just have an urge to crumble, it came on all of a sudden like a knocked over glass, you only see it fall after it's halfway to the ground....only there is no formidable noise like a shattering. There is no pretty sparkling pieces. Bleh. I can feel my temples caving it and pushing with little throbbing fingers under my cheeks and up behind my eyes trying to goad them into leaking or something.
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